I know the plans I have for you...

It's been a long time...again.

Remember, a long time ago I told you I blog on the upswing? Yeah...well, life's been tough for a while...I think I'd better blog from the well...

We are going through some major changes over here...and I truly believe that they are a gift from God. But we are still learning a new way of normal.

Let's see, where to start. Last school year Beanie was in a choir in a local university style school...and they did a musical for their spring show, which I got to help produce. We had a BLAST!! But because there were MANY other people's children...you didn't get any pictures...I'm not actually sure I said anything about it.

At the time, the director and I talked and talked about this year. Things I could help with, things that she dreamed of for the school. At the time I wasn't exactly sure which part was going to be reality...so I left it for the Lord. I was a homeschooler, after all, and not really interested in doing anything else.

But God is the One who knows the beginning from the end.

For several years now, my husband and I have been struggling. He has asked me not to call him Bubba anymore, so I am going to call him Beloved. I have believed that things would sort out...I have believed it for YEARS...however, a year or so ago it became apparent that Beloved and I were not able to come together and be a stable unit for our girls. We each love them to distraction...but the unity...the peace between us...the trust and comfort that a husband and wife are supposed to provide for each other and for the family is not there.

So, a little over a year ago, I began to pray..."Lord, please PLEASE provide stability for my girls...help us to BE who we are supposed to BE...do what we are supposed to do. Help us to love as we are supposed to love."

Everything only got worse...and was no better in spring than it had been...soooo...

I forgot about teaching or anything new for awhile...and I hunkered down and schooled and loved and scolded and laughed with my kids...and tried as hard as I could to make this huge hole in my life seem tiny...something that could not...WOULD NOT...destroy life as they know it.

Then, a little over a month ago...the director came to me and said, "Hey, would you like to help with the choir again this year?"..."How 'bout aiding an academic class?"..."You seem to know about computers...could you help us with some electronic stuff?...

Before I knew it we were discussing plans for 4 different classes and one administrative position and putting my kids into this university style school full time. And the weirdest part...I could HEAR God saying..."You asked for stability and YOU can't do it all alone...but these people can surround you and help".

I think the weirdest part is the fact that I was really just looking for a choir class for all my kids...and here I am...in a little over a month...accepting a job for the first time in almost 10 years and putting my kids IN a school for the first time EVER. Granted, it's two days a week and I'll be homeschooling the other three...AND I'll be at the school when they are and aiding in the same class as one of them...but it's a complete change.

God has been in it every single step of the way. I could list 10 different "action" item fleeces that He has resolved for me in amazing ways...but it would take another post...Suffice to say, God has a different plan for us than the one I first imagined.

As for my beloved and I. I don't know. I love him. I supposed that's all that you need to know.

We are both grieving this rift in our own ways...we are both torn with the sadness of the situation...and I believe we are both praying for renewal...but for the time being, this seems to be the path that we are on...

It's hard to move forward on this path...so hard...but I know that God has put my feet here...and I know he is holding my hand...so I WILL walk...whatever may be...

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

See ya around...

(There are those of you who know more than I'm sharing here, because Beloved and I ARE in counseling and are trying to find our way through. I would ask that you NOT share what you know...or even what you think...but honor us by praying for us through all the changes that are in store for our family.)