God's Grace in Chaos...

If you know me at all, you know this has been a tough week.  Actually if you know me at all, you know that there have been no "easy" weeks in a really long time.

And yet, things happen by accident that have God's fingerprints all over them.

As you may know, I'm one of those people who always has a song in my head...I'm usually humming or whistling...and if I discover a song that I like, I'll sing it 90,000 times trying to perfect inside my own head.

I rarely do this on purpose and I often have to stop singing to carry on a conversation...especially when I'm stressed or nervous.

Over the last few weeks this song has been on my lips more often than not.  My girls have sung it with me as it became part of the fabric of our interactions...

Last night, while washing dishes, I discovered that not only did they KNOW it, but they held the melody well...AND at least one of them had been taking over the harmony fairly regularly.

This morning, while doing hair in the best acoustic-al room of my house, I asked if I could record them...well, us.  No matter that it only sounds like one alto, there are two of us and we switch parts in the midst of the song.  I am surprised how alike we sound...I am blessed that they all will sing with me when I just need it.

God is so good.

See ya around...

February 3, 2011...One Year Without My Dad.

Huh. This one is long.

I've been thinking about this particular blog post for awhile. What do I say? My sentimental nature doesn't let me let it pass by without comment...but what.should.I.say?

This has been an incredible year. Really. In all my years so far...it has been the hardest I've passed.

This is the year I lost my dad...and late in this year I realized that I'd actually lost 7 friends/family in 18 months.

This is the year I grieved with my mom.

This is the year that I've had the most health struggles, whooping cough, broken rib, unexplained fatigue, heart freak-outs, girlie stuff and that doesn't include health issues with my kids.

This is the year that Bubba and I have struggled the most to find each other and actually considered what might happen if we couldn't.

This is the year we experienced the heartbreak of leaving a church that we loved.

But you know what...as hard as this year has been...I think I've witnessed more miracles and joys specifically from the Lord than I ever have before.

When Dad died, I got to be part of an incredible community of friends and family the week of the memorial. We had somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 family members join us in Arizona from all over the United States and an entire town full of people who had loved my Dad surrounding us and praying with us and loving us. I made friends that week that I will never ever lose...friends that love me and my family and pray for me and my family that I only met because of that terrible moment that I had to lose my dad.

Because of the loss of so many of my loved ones, I've had to face God and decide whether I would follow Him even through this. There were times even I wasn't sure which way I would go. God has truly been my support in so many ways while these tragedies changed me irrevocably. Even so my faith feels more solid than it has been in my entire life.

This year of grieving has been so precious. I've gotten to know my mom so much more deeply through all of this. I've been blessed to be the strong one sometimes and the weak one at others. I've been allowed to wrap my arms around my mommy and just cry. And I've been blessed to laugh with her until my sides hurt. This has made us better friends and sisters in Christ than we ever have been. And I am blessed each day by the bond.

This year of health problems has been interesting. I'm learning to live inside my limitations. I learning not to plan for tomorrow, but to do exactly what I can today. I'm learning to let the mess roll off my back. I'm learning to pull my kids close and just hold them even if I can't do anything else.

I've worried for years about not doing everything that people think that I should...I'm learning to just get over it. And I'm learning to say, "No, I don't think so" and "I can help you so long as you realize that sometimes I won't be able to help you and can live with that." and the hardest, "I know that you think I'm good at that...but I don't think it's a good idea right now".

I don't know, anymore, that I'll ever be up to snuff again. I pray that I will, but for the first time ever, I'm done FIGHTING and have started accepting. That's not to say that I'm ready to roll over and die...but the stress when I can't FIX it is leaving me finally. And honestly, I think it's good for me.

During this tough stuff, Bubba and I struggled. A LOT. But the Lord provided us a marriage conference that has opened up topics that BOTH of us have been stuffing for years. It has allowed a level of openness and honesty that we haven't had in a long time. And even more than that, God has given us both understanding and opened our hearts to grace and mercy for one another. We aren't out of the woods yet...but for the first time, in a long time, we are both trudging in the same direction.

Leaving our long time church back in March was one of the most difficult steps of this year...But God had an amazing plan for us. He had been preparing a different church for us. He had brought them to the area...He had established several of our long term friends IN the church...and He found them a BUILDING in February...just in time for our arrival. ;)

Within two weeks of being at the new church, we knew we were home. There was no uneasy search. The kids were comfortable immediately which was unlike our last church hunt. I think the most amazing part of it all for me was how much I hadn't realized what I'd needed, until God pulled us through those doors.

Through this new church, we have a community, unlike any we've ever experienced before. We have a small group of people who we meet with weekly who have made us one of the family in a way that has been missing in all of our church experiences. Missing church is the biggest disappointment of our week, and I have to say that has never been the case before. Through this group, we are making friends as a family and it is very sweet.

We also have a counselor that has been really helpful to Bubba and I. We didn't know, when we left our old church, that we would need a counselor...but God did.

As I look back on this year that I was forced to live without my Daddy...I realize that I am blessed. I would not have chosen this path...not for a million bucks!! And I wouldn't have WISHED this path on my worst enemy. But this path was chosen for me...and I followed it ONLY because the Lord held my hand the entire way...

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


I always THOUGHT I believed that before...now I KNOW that I do.

See ya around...

Worship Camp...

Well, it's over. The worship camp that my kids went to last week is over. I sit here pondering my next words because the camp...the show...the production of the whole thing was so stunning that I do not want to take the chance that you will take my words as simply a proud momma spouting superlatives and think, "yeah, yeah, Stack, we know, kid's performance, yada yada".

So I'm going to appeal to the performers that I know who read this blog. This is to all of you who have ever rehearsed for a performance, practiced choreography, memorized lines, had stage fright, sang ONE song in front of an audience in a choral group or in the choir. To those who were ever behind the scenes taking care of lights or mics or costume changes or writing programs or any of the other myriad of things that go on behind the scenes in ANY performance. And then I'd like to add to that list, those of you who I know have done these things with children.

How long would it take in rehearsal time alone, to put together a show with 12 numbers in it? Okay, 12 numbers and 20 Speakers, 7 dancers, 20 Soloists and at least 2 Silent Actors (although there were more)? How 'bout all of that coming out of a group of somewhere in the neighborhood of 80-100 kids that ranged in ages from Kindergarten to 7th grade and had NEVER worked together before the first morning of the camp? How long would you estimate that to take?

My experience with similar stuff took WEEKS...sometimes months.

They did it in five, three hour days of a Summer CAMP.

And it was amazing. Every song was good. Every song had choreography of some sort and some of them quite a lot. At the beginning of every song, kids had to move up and down the risers, and shift around to their places and there was not a single mishap.

And the individual kids who did solo performances? Every single one of them did a GREAT job. They stood where they should, they put their shoulders back and they SANG, and DANCED, and ACTED...and if a few of them were a little nervous (or even a lot) they pulled it off and blessed us all with their visible joy, beautiful voices, and funny lines.

I have been thinking about it all night. I don't know the three (correction, there were four) ladies who took on this task personally. But I am stunned at the result. Even with the huge amount of support that they received from the parents in the church for the nitty gritty tasks, I believe in my heart that only through the grace of God could such a feat be accomplished in so short a time.

Watching it I was reminded of the Bible story of Gideon. He was the one that the Lord wanted to fight a battle but told him that his army was too large. So through a series a events Gideon whittled down his army to a mere 300 men. Using only those 300 men, horns, jars and torches, the Lord defeated the Midianites. Judges 7.

I am so thankful that all who were involved took on the task and I am humbled by their faith to do it. I'll admit the very human part of me, who has done it, makes me feel just a little proud of them for their accomplishment...I don't believe ANYONE could have done it better and that the Lord chose very well, when he chose them.

As for my kid's parts? They LOVED it. I asked them early on how this experience compared to other summer camps in the past and they both agreed (only Bean and Bear were old enough) that, although there was a lot of work to do, it was AWESOME!

Here is Miss Bean singing HER solo. If I'm granted permission I will post more...if not, those of you who get our year end DVD will probably see it there.



Praise the Lord for these women who ministered to our children this week...for hearing God's voice and rising to His challenge to teach with joy, thank you for touching my kids in this way...

See ya around...

Monday Memory...

I was supposed to post this last Monday...it's our newish verse we've been working on...but then school got in the way. I caught these two working on their memory verse together when they were supposed to be playing.

You'll have to pay attention, because a memory verse by Monkey Face is a special thing and subject to odd dialects...I'll put the verse here so that you can read along...

Romans 8:37-39

But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.



See ya around...

P.S. I looked this verse up in March 2009...you know what...it's Romans 8 not 3...and I absolutely WROTE 3, so I can't even blame poor penmanship...sad, now I have to re-teach at least that part.

Still...great verse.

See ya around...