And since I last blogged really regularly Picasa's online albums have switched over to Google+ which wants me to share my pictures with Google+ which I don't like AND don't use and now Picasa doesn't have the handy dandy share button that lets me copy what I'm embedding and although I USUALLY figure it out from Blogger I'm not positive of the procedure and it makes me cranky to try. (Did you read that all without taking a breath? That is how I wrote it...so if you didn't...go back and read it again. No breath.)
And I've been busy.
And the gate to my fence broke and now I can't get the trash cans out or the mower in.
And I've been planning stuff...all kinds of stuff.
And my friend bought a cooler planner than me on the very same day that I bought my planner and now I want hers and not the one (well ONES) I bought. AND she's moving far far away...soon.
And I got a new laptop and a new operating system and we aren't exactly on speaking terms right now.
And...Blogging is hard.
A month or so ago, a friend of mine suggested that I read "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. Great book. You should read it, too. I'm not done with mine yet...but I'm far enough in to say, "glad I'm reading it."
Anyway, "The Artist's Way" is one of those challenging books that requires you to think about the stuff you are doing...have done...and then consider that maybe there is more inspiration in your life than you are using. As you do the things the author suggests, you start discovering more inspiration.
Sounds great, right? Sure enough.
And it was. For a few weeks...it really was.
I was blogging a lot. Singing a lot. Reading. Cooking. Planning. Cleaning.
And then, as always ALWAYS happens...the spontaneous inspiration died.
Part of it is my issues with people. Yep, me, the friendly one, I have issues with you all. It makes no sense to WRITE this out-loud on a public blog, but as much as I like to stand up and write and talk and sing with and in front of people...I have a huge issue when people notice. And it's worse if they like what I'm doing. And inspiration KILLING if they know me well enough to look me right in the eye.
It's performance anxiety of the worst kind. I'm not afraid to DO stuff. I'm afraid that you'll NOTICE and have any opinion. Super weird quirk, if you ask me.
Anyway...so less than 3 weeks into the book...people that love me started noticing that I was doing some of this stuff...and complimented me. So I quit. Because, y'know, that's the logical thing to do when you find a little bit of success in something...quit immediately...solves ALL the problems of the world. PPPFFFFFTTTT. Sometimes I get so tired of myself.
All of those words to say...I'm challenging myself and I'm inviting you along for the ride. I'm learning to write. I'm a beginner in this art and any talent that I may currently possess is completely God-given. Other than teaching my children, I've never studied this craft...I've never written long enough to get past the inspiration killers. To write when I didn't feel like it, about things I may not be passionate about is part of the challenge. To write ANYWAY, regardless.
I think that figuring out how to write regardless of inspiration might be a key for me to do other things beyond my circumstances. I'll tell you, I think this might be a rung on this ladder out of depression for me. But, I really like to hide when I feel like too many people are looking, because watching TV is far less judgy. And I'm talking about ME here people, I get judgy on myself if you are looking. And I'm MEAN.
So, I'm TRYING to write anyway.
(There's a statement that is going to come back and bite me.)
So expect me to. And when the post goes badly or weird...know that I'm just learning. I'm learning to write. I'm learning to let people into my strange little head and I'm learning to focus on the writing and not necessarily on what other people think about it. So think to yourself, "She's gotta learn,' and PLEASE keep reading...keep commenting...keep looking me in the eye. Eventually, I'll be able to look back.
Right now, I think I'm gonna figure out the stupid picture thing...please hold...I even have an analogy...are you ready?
Okay...so I like the sky...and I was taking pictures of the clouds and when I pulled the pictures into Picasa I pushed the little "I'm feeling lucky" button. The resulting picture made me super happy. The sky was vibrant blue the clouds puffy white. Now, I'd liked the original picture...it looked JUST like what God gave me...but with a VERY little help, the picture got better. That's what I want to happen with my writing...I like it very much when I'm inspired, it's beautiful, but I want to learn more, practice more, to tweak it into something better.
Sigh...we will be working on analogies...Here, why not look at these clouds...
Pretty, huh?
Vibrant-er, huh?
See ya around...
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